Downsizing: from Utterly Shameless blog

Utterly Shameless

I have decided to live my life in such a way
that I can honestly feel utterly shameless and unapologetic.

I am so tired of "I'm sorry."
Everyone says it, no one means it.

If they were truly sorry, they wouldn't have done
whatever they did in the first place.

And if they were truly sorry, they wouldn't keep doing
this very same thing over and over.

So, I have decided never to do
anything I would be ashamed to admit to having done,
never to do anything I would feel the need to lie about having done,
never to do anything that keeps me from sleeping peacefully,
and never do anything that causes me to worry (excessively) about what I did.

The trick here, for me, is to distuinguish clearly
between what I personally think is right/wrong, good/bad, etc.
which I would be ashamed of and what society says
I shouldn't do, say, feel, believe, write, etc.

This is the critical distinction.
If I can't do this, none of this will work.

The other thing I must be willing to do is be honest with myself,
not only about my wants, needs, desires, goals, and feelings
but also about my motivations.

I cannot hide from myself the reasons for doing the things I chose to do,
anymore than I can hide from myself their actual manifestation.

I have decided thatI will not be a woman who apologizes for my existence.
I will not be a woman who is ashamed of my own strength.
I will not be a woman who wastes my energy trying to make myself
attractive to others rather than making myself essentail to myself.

I want to be free from shame and guilt again.

I want to never care what my mother-in-law thinks of me again.

I want to go to bed at night and close my eyes with the knowledge
that I have done the best I can in everything I have chosen to do.

I want to be comfortable in my own flesh, in my own mind, in my own being.

I want to be shameless in all that I do and unapologetic for all all that I am.